Taking time..... five months later.

Kiddos,

I walked out of my office on April 7 and have not been back.  

I will not go back.  

After 10 years of success, failure, partnership, struggle, 

breakthrough, creativity, 

three babies, five homes, ten years of marriage, 

four bosses, five offices, 

every childcare configuration imaginable, 

that chapter is closed, 

and I am heartbroken.  

Not because I don't love being with you, 

but because it is like it never happened.  

No recognition, no celebration, nothing.  

Actually, not heartbroken, fucking pissed.  (excuse my language).

There is a song by Paul Simon called Ten Years.

He wrote it for Oprah to celebrate her tenth year.

These lyrics are on repeat in my brain:

Ten years come and gone so fast

I might as well be dreamingSunny days have burned a pathAcross another seasonA fortune rises to the skyTen years come and gone so fast

We will find a new rhythm. 

 I will find a way to function without all these medications. 

This will be a blink.  Everyone keeps saying that.  I just wished it wouldn't be.

I grew up in that job.  

I sat at a desk there while you walked your first steps Taylor.  

I left that office and went to labor and delivery more times than I remember.  

Anna, I learned that you were JUST a club foot baby sitting at a desk there.  

So many life changing moments happened while I was there.

So many life changing experiences for me while I was there.

About a week ago, I told you three I would leave my job.

Taylor, you looked at me with the most soulful eyes you said,

"but you love your job, why would you leave it."

Because life is complicated and I love you three so much more.

xoxo

mom

ps-TGIF! This week has kicked my ass.

pss- again, sorry about the swear words