264

Dear Taylor, Anna, and Hudson,

It has been 264 days since Grandpa died.  How is that even possible that so many days have passed?  It feels like yesterday.  Really, I can still feel all the worst parts of July 6, and then trying to get through the night, and then the awful reality that came July 7.  I have kept all the voicemails that were on my phone from that week, but I can't bring myself to listen to them or delete them.

This past week I have been so unbelievably sad that Grandpa doesn't get to know all the great things you are doing each day.  He would love to hear your jokes, know about your school work, hear about your activities, and see all of Hudson's antics.  He would LOVE it.  Grandpa found such joy in hearing all your stories, and I have been struggling with his missing it.  I am sad that he is missing your birthdays this year.  I guess I am just sad.

Taylor and Anna, you still love to tell stories about Grandpa, and I love that you do.  I try to hide the tears that well up in my eyes, so I don't deter you.  My biggest fear is that you will forget, or that I will.

I can't wait for the day that this is less devastating. I found a quote today and it reads, " Grief changes shape, but it never ends."

So, we will keep taking it one day at a time.
xoxo
mom