Where to begin. Summer is in full swing and I have failed to write you. There are so many things I wish I could say to each of you, and so many things your eyes tell me. Mostly, I see from you frustration, exhaustion? I hope joy?
Yesterday marked two years since Grandpa died. 731 days. I have missed him for 731 days and it is still so hard. Nothing slowed down yesterday to give me a chance to reflect, pause....remember. There is never enough time to mourn him. I reflected that we had survived and thrived the last two years, but in thinking about that, to say I have thrived wouldn't be true. I have come completely unraveled. I try to imagine what my dad would say and I don't know. The thing about Grandpa is that he was the kindest person in that he would do anything for anyone. He took care of everything. If I needed something, he fixed it. Now, that I have to stand on my feet, really for the first time, I can't.
My sweet three, I am so sorry I am not doing a better job. I will find a way to get back to the mom you know, or a version of her.
I love you to the moon and back.
Xoxo
Mom
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